Stuck in an episode of Awkward?

Like Jenna Hamilton my life was a series of unfortunate awkward situations which plagued not only my social life but every aspect of daily life as well, not even in my mind could I hide from my embarressement that is caused by this 'curse' that I've  been settled with. 

Except in my version of this teenage drama I didn't have two good looking guys fighting over me or a bitchy nemeses, I was stuck being friend zoned and ultimately my biggest nemeses was myself. But did I really have the right to complain? Asha Tyson said that "Your journey has molded you for the greater good, and it was exactly what it needed to be. Dont think that you've lost time. It took each and every situation you have encountered to bring you to the now. And now is right on time ". If this is true I would enivitably be the person I always wanted to be in a way, although at this present moment I'm not sure who that is. I had made so many mistakes in my 19 years and I didn't know how I was suppose to go about rectifying them. I had alienated my friends and destroyed all real relationships that I once had and I can't even remember the reasons. This is when I tried channeling my inner Jenna Hamilton but she had made it look so easy to apologize and be reintegrated into her friend group, but did I want to be reintegrated?  

At first I blamed myself for what had became of my friendships but ultimately it wasn't my fault. These people I called my friends didnt really care it seemed that the friendship was one based on benefit rather than actual friendship, the more I contemplated this possibility the more to my distaste it made sense, these people that I held in such high regard and would drop anything for dropped me for a new and shiner version. I came to the realization that they weren't worth my guilt or time, so in my great period of reflection I realized that I might be awkward at times but I was no Jenna Hamilton because unlike her my friends didn't stick around. 

But don't pity me, no that's not what I crave I opened myself up to new possibilities and I gained some new amazing friends out of this tradgic event. I learnt that you shouldn't became victim to change, you should make the most out of it and you never know you might just find you like it.. 

Been there, Done that, Got the t-shirt

Coming back from my hiatus of 7 months was incredibly daunting because I had to admit that when looking at my life nothing had changed, I had gone away to better myself..to be this new and improved version of the person I was and be the person that I enivitably wanted to be. But upon reflection, what had really changed? I'm still sitting in the same position I was 7 months ago..so the question arises did I take every opportunity that was given to me? The answer is very simple, I didn't..the fear of the unknown had taken over my senses and I was stuck in this never ending cycle of disappointment of missing out on life's greatest journeys and adventures because I was scared, simply petrified of events I had no control over. But that is what my life had became a never ending string of 'what ifs' , was I content with that? 

Going into my first year of varsity was my chance to start over, to be the person I had always wanted to be..not the person everyone expected me to. So I changed my hair, my clothes, my friends, but in the end these changes had enivitably changed nothing but my outer appearance I was still stuck in my own self conscious bubble and I couldn't find my way out no matter how hard I tried. So I stepped back, took a breath of fresh air, smelled the roses if you'd like and reassessed who I was and what I wanted. The truth of the matter is I was still trying to be the person people wanted or needed me to be, but it just wasn't who I was or wanted to be. I decided to take a hiatus of my own design, one that allowed me to participate in daily life yet still being able to drown out all the little noises and have time for myself. 

And now I'm back, the end of my first year at varsity has come and gone and I'm ready to take on any new challenges that life and varsity can throw at me. So come on take your best shot.. 

Congratulations you have finally arrived

On this momentous occasion that is my first post I sat and wondered what is this big hype of being a 'blogger' and I came up with two somewhat suitable reasons: 

1. Everyone is connected to some sort of media interface be it Facebook or Instagram , point being throughout the years it's always been about who has the most friends or the most followers, but in retrospect it's pretty irrelevant. But it's all about getting the upper hand whether it be with friends or with enemies, it's about being better which personally makes no sense.

2. The second reason is pretty basic it boils down to the fact that we want to be loved, the more followers we have in some twisted psychology links back to us being loved. Modern day society has this crazy notion that we need other peoples approval or love (even if they are 50 year old men that are only following you to see pictures of your boobs) which is pretty ridiculous.

Then the thought of why is she writing a blog? Is she trying to prove that she is better then someone? Is she looking to be loved? The uncomplicated answer to this is because I'm simply bored with the same old commercial bullshit, everyone has conformed to what society sees as acceptable. We have a society filled with Tumblr girls and boys because apparently that what everyone wants..Uh NO! We want different, something extraordinary, something that takes our breath away or makes us question everything we have ever known that's what we want. We want different. 

So I guess that's what I'm trying to do, be different. So here goes...